Trying to Bridge the Gap!

In Sanskrit there is one shloka saying at around 16 years parents should behave with their children like their friends. This is absolutely true because around 16 years i.e. during teenage every boy and girl has his /her own thought process & opinions. They have their side of explanation ready for each situation based on whatever they have learnt, seen or experienced. But for parents to become their friends of their own children is not possible till they understand the thought processing of there own child with respect to there age. It’s very important for oneself to put at their child’s place and think like him for a moment & this is the base for parents to feel friendship with their young ones.

Why do you think in the teenage when one’s daughter / son starts assuming that their friends are right than their parents while taking important decisions? Because the friends are the one of similar age groups and thus can put forward their reasoning in the easy language at that point of time because of similar thinking style. One benefit what all these youngsters have is that, they have limited directions & views to think or to analyze their situations n hence decisions becomes superficial and faster, though exceptions r present. But if you see on parents side it becomes difficult task, because they are mature n has many views which children are unaware of hence can analyze the situations correctly n sometimes make them more cautious n they might start interfering more n impose their decisions on child without asking his own opinion n argument starts. One more most important thing many of us forget is that every child after 2 n ½ years has self respect n if u refuse to respect them they will also won’t respect u either. I agree to the fact that parents do more than their young ones but to put them in front of their child in less mature language becomes difficult. So just guide by giving clues about options which are invisible for them and don’t spoon feed them too much n do respect their opinions n let them take their own decisions, this is what is lacking in most of the relations which is integral & hence vital.

There’s one more issue or I’ll say world’s 2^nd no. cause of parents-children relationship gap is ‘friendship with opposite gender child’. And this starts usually in the families who have children in late teenage or who have crossed their teenage. This issue is very close to all of us since this usually occur in most of the families which is unfortunate to say (except the parents who understand their kid as a human being respecting to their needs & natural urges & also know how to direct all these in the right tract without harming their young minds or without making them feel guilty). But why to target only parents? Root cause lies in every person’s perception who look at opposite gender friendship in the wrong manner and instead to look at it as a pure and honest way. When this perception is influenced by limited horizons of thinking, it gets corrupted. Some orthodox beliefs like no girl or boy can be good friends or thoughts like ‘mostly these relationships are raised up as an effect of secondary sexual characteristics which produces virtual attraction between these people and lastly leads to the affaire’ (these thinking mostly seen in highly educated people through net or paper which is though not enough to understand the matter correctly of course).

Above all wrong thinking as I mentioned above is then passed on to next generation of youngsters n which is more threatening and hence this vicious cycle goes on, which is seen as an incidents like teasing a boy or girl who talk more to his/her opposite gender friends, n mind you this happens frequently may be some of you may be victims of it also. I will say all this wrong mentality of the person n hence the whole society (including the media and televisions that help this wrong thing to pass on like boastful potatoes) is responsible directly or indirectly to all this turmoil.

Like opposite charges attract each other and get neutralized, many species showing symbiosis & help each other, we human beings also do the similar things and this is primitive cause of forming socialism. Every human being comes with his/her unique set of characteristics, and no one is the perfect blend and hence we seek others so that we can form this perfect blend with the help of others by forming society all thanks to our highly evolved cerebral cortex which tends to balance everything in the mind. We tend to share what good we have and we imbibe what is best in others and in which we lack to satiate our urges. One more thing which makes us best from all living organisms present on earth, is that we can do ‘introspection’, power analysis or reasoning out and also curiosity to know world around us and people living in it. And when we divert from these natural powers we become cynics. Faulty things start rising up and we lose varied dimensions of seeing or perceiving things. I would like to put light on one more thing that god has gifted each 1 of us with unique mind. This mind has various intellectual & emotional needs which are different n also presented differently. Then whatever gender u have, every1 is eager to satisfy these needs and beautiful way to fulfill them is through forming bond of relationships and thus forming small communities. Then whatever name you give to the relationship but this is the basic idea behind it.

The way u present or put forward your needs in front of others is controlled by your ‘Superego’. Superego is nothing but your mind that controls your thinking and also physical behavior, means it tells u what is right n what is wrong. It is strongly influenced by external environment, culture and of course by the society in which we are growing up. And Superego is developed through our learning, experiencing and parents play very important role in forming this. Up to some extent superego is dominated by our parent style of thinking but at the teenage or from 12 years when we start forming our own opinions by listening to new people other than our parents (like our teacher, friends, books, media) it undergoes modulation and this is where all mental turmoil starts. If parent help their children to learn how to control this natural urges or how to fulfill them in correct way during the age they form their own opinions, child will behave cautiously. And many of us forget that as many different personalities we indulge with without considering any gender, more views we come across which leads to intellectual, and emotional development which gives you flourishing & more efficient perceptual power to look at each living organism.

So 1^st respect your child as a separate entity with his/her own mind and soul and help them to utilize their natural abilities maximally and just guide them if they are going wrong but never try to take their right of forming their own decisions & relationships. After all no one is perfect, everybody makes mistakes but the one who remember them improve on it reaches perfection so emphasize on this & help your child to realize their own mistakes and give chance improvise on them.